Dealing With Depression — Tips For Loved Ones
October 17, 2008 · Posted in General
I’ve been known to suffer from depression every once in a while in my time. It’s not pleasant, by any stretch, of course — hell, by definition it’s not pleasant. But what a lot of people don’t realize is that depression doesn’t just affect the person dealing with it, but those around them as well. You start to feel responsible, you start to get miserable because you can’t help them, you start feeling obligated to be with them. It’s miserable. You either hide your own emotions because you don’t want to put any more stress on them, or you let it out and then they start to feel worse. It’s a lose-lose proposition.There’s a few things you can do to help out. They aren’t really that difficult, and they can make a world of difference — I speak from personal experience. They’ll make your life easier in the long run. Just a note: I’m not a mental health professional, and I don’t claim to be. These are simply suggestions that, from experience, seem to work pretty well. Your mileage may very.
1) Listen to them. This is the most important thing. Let them talk about how they feel, what’s bothering them, and do it without criticizing or even offering suggestions (unless they ask). A lot of times, someone who’s depressed just wants to vent, they just want someone to understand them. They may know that what they feel isn’t the way they should feel, but they can’t help it.
2) Try to get them professional help. Sometimes it’s not financially possible, of course, but a lot of times its worth it even if you have to tighten your belt. Odds are better than even money they won’t want to go for it; try to talk them into it without pressuring them. Offer to go with them — or stay away — if it’ll help.
3) Don’t ever say “Well, it could be worse,” or “Just suck it up.” When you’re suffering from a bout of depression, the littlest thing is a crisis, and comparing that crisis to, for example, being homeless or unemployed just makes it worse. Then the person has their initial problem(s) as well as feeling like they just aren’t strong enough to deal with life.
4) Be patient. Even if they’re seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist, don’t expect a quick fix. Most medicines take several weeks to have any affect. Therapy takes longer in most cases (though, in my experience, therapy can show some immediate results — even just the act of talking things out to an unbiased ear helps).
5) Be supportive. Help out with their therapy if possible. Talk to them about it, how their sessions went. Don’t be embarrassed if they talk about personal stuff, and don’t hold it against them if they may even talk negatively of you during their sessions. Depression distorts reality, big time. Try to find out — without pushing too hard, because they may just close up on you — why they talked about what they did, and what you might be able to do to help the situation.
6) Take any talk of suicide seriously. It’s a big deal, but don’t instantly assume that they just want to die just for the sake of dying. There’s an old saying — I forget where it’s from — that “those who wish for death simply wish for a fuller life.” That’s very true; a healthy mind never wishes for death, it’s our most primal instinct. Depression makes it difficult to see how full one’s life really is, to see the good things in one’s life and enjoy them. That said, at the same time thoughts of suicide can also be very comforting to a depressed individual, even if they aren’t seriously considering it. Just knowing you have a way out can make things seem much better. Still, take it seriously and keep an eye on them. If they start doing things that make it seem more possible, call a medical professional or a suicide hotline in your area. Seriously — do not pass go, do not collect $200, reach for the phone and talk to someone.
7) Take time for yourself. This is probably the second most important item, but I wanted to save it for last anyways. It’s a lot easier than most people would believe to get burnt out trying to help someone who’s suffering from depression. It takes a tremendous toll on you. You need a break every once in a while, so take time to go for a jog, read a book, enjoy a hot bath, anything that will help relax you and get your mind off of the other person for a little while. This will keep you from burning out, making your life a little better and also allowing you to help them more — two people with depression or burn-out can’t help each other.
Depression can be — and most often is — very debilitating, to the person suffering from it and to those around them. These suggestions definitely don’t take the place of professional help, but hopefully they can make things a little easier on both you and your loved one.
Comments
2 Responses to “Dealing With Depression — Tips For Loved Ones”
Leave a Reply
-
RSS
RSS Feed
For me, knowing that depression is my partner in this life has allowed me to experience all aspects of life in addition to my depression - while being depressed.
This is not to say I don’t use every tool for depression that is available. I do. Every Single One. But to wish something away is delusionary.
Depression is a part of the shadow world. There are those of us whose job is to inhabit this world so that we can make a difference for others who might not have the ability to ride out the wave of emotions that go along with chronic depression