Winding Down

November 23, 2008 · Posted in General · Comments Off 
Thought I’d post again real quick.  Today’s finished up pretty decently, though for a few minutes I’d thought about getting back into the promo stuff again.  Switched the home page back to the Like Glass page, looked at it, realized how much more work I’d need to do to get going again, and switched it back to the “Due to lack of interest…” page.  Like the title on that one better anyways.

It’s wierd how your body tells you that you’re doing the “right” thing or not.  You get that edgy feeling in the pit of your stomach, maybe your breathing starts to speed up a little bit.  Mind starts to race a little.  That’s when you know you need to stop whatever it is, regardless of whatever someone else says is “right”, and reconsider what you’re doing and why.

The book stuff just isn’t me.  I’m not a hard worker, not in the ways most people would like me to be.  I’m not much of a people person, or anything like that.  This is right; this is me.  Just bullshitting on a blog about nothing important while I’m smoking my last cigarette for the day.  If an agent or a publisher comes along and wants to do something with the book, that’s their business and I’ll help them along as best as I can.  But it isn’t me, this whole drive-yourself-crazy-over-a-book just ain’t me.

I’m going to bed.

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Out of the Fight For Now

November 23, 2008 · Posted in Better Left Unsaid, General · Comments Off 
Got a decent nap today; that seemed to put me back in a “normal” mood.  Unfortunately, I think the missus is still a little angry with me for how I’ve been acting, but hopefully that’ll clear up.  It’s also dinner time, and the end of the weekend, neither of which make for a good mood.  Anyways…

Been doing a lot of thinking along the lines of programming.  I miss doing javascript stuff at my last job, so I’ve been playing with it the past few days.  Fun stuff.  I might try and do a couple of little posts on it, but don’t get your hopes up ;)

Went to Sears and got the plugin for the dryer that should be coming tomorrow.  That’ll be nice; no more standing around at the laundromat; and I’ll be able to do at least my own laundry every once in a while instead of relyng on the wife to do it with everything else.

I want to say thank you to someone right now, for something they’re helping us with.  You know who you are and what you’re doing, so I’m not going to mention anything; thank you though.

God, I feel like I’ve been asleep for days…  If you’ve never had to deal with depression, you’re lucky.  It’s definitely not fun (well, by definition it’s not fun, but you know what I mean).  I’m not sure if I want to try and do damage control or just pick up and move on.  I don’t think I pissed anyone off while I was in the fight; if I did, let me know and I’ll try to take care of it.

Okay, I think dinner’s almost ready, so I’m going to cut this short.  Have fun, where ever you may be.

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In The Fight: Big Surprise

November 22, 2008 · Posted in Better Left Unsaid · Comments Off 
Well, today was “day 2″ of my whole away-from-book-promo life, and I spent most of it in the fight.  Bad, too: spent all day trying to sleep and not succeeding very well; still tired as hell.  Miserable all day, sad, lonely, the whole nine yards.  Pretty much expected this after trying so hard with the book crap.  The wife’s getting tired of it, and I can’t very well blame her — hell, I’m tired of it too.  But what can you do?

I don’t know what’s up.  Thought the meds were working good, but apparently not.  Aside from everything else, I was very much in an “ASH” kinda mood today — I’m not going to explain it; you can google it if you’d like, but I don’t promise you’ll find out.  No biggie anyways.

Watched “Celebrity Rehab” tonight with the missus, and it brought UBH back.  Kinda miss that place.  Having to be there sucked, but at the same time, it was a good environment (strangely enough, being around a bunch of addicts and loonies was quite calming for me — I felt in my own habitat).  That and I could sleep all day if I wanted to; no one would’ve cared.

We did talk about good stuff tonight.  The missus asked if I’d ever thought of becoming a teacher.  Strangely enough, that’s a career path I’ve given lots of thought to, I just don’t know what the hell to teach.  English?  Computers (ugh…)?  Music?  Psychology?  History?  Middle School?  High School?  College?  Then there’s the whole finance crap — have to pay UTEP off before I can get my transcript and go for financial aid.  Course, I know a lot of people will say “Just do it, it’s not that big of a deal,” but that’s one of the fun things of being in the ring with yourself: everything’s a big deal.

Anyways, I think the missus is going to bed, so I’d better mosey that way too.
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It Ain’t Easy….

November 20, 2008 · Posted in General, Writing · 2 Comments 
A lot of times when I first tell someone that I’ve written a book, I get the same response: “Well, you’ve done the hard part, now you just have to sell it,” — or some variation thereof.  It seems to be a common perception that, because everyone wants to write a book but can’t get it out, the creative process must be the hardest part.

I like talking to people about the book, but I do want to get one thing out of the way once and for all:  Writing the book was one of the easiest things I’ve done in my life.  It was time consuming, and in some ways even a little painful, but putting the words to paper just came naturally, as I’m sure it does for a lot of writers.

Selling it, on the other hand…

If you’ve never tried to start a business from scratch, you probably won’t understand what’s so hard about it.  I know I didn’t — send out a few emails to agents or publishers, and bam!  You’re an overnight success.  Well, you’ll get a couple of rejection letters, but bear with them and, if there’s any advice in them then take it and move on.  Simple, right?

Yep, that’s what I thought when I started this game, but, in case you haven’t made the connection yet, I want to let you in on a little secret: it ain’t that easy.

I’ve had times in my life where I was unemployed, beating the pavement in a suit and tie with a stack of resumes in one hand, trying to find anyone that would hire me.  That was pretty rough stuff, but it’s a walk in the park compared to trying to convince someone to take the time to read a book.  Seriously, have you ever tried walking for a few miles, in desert heat, a black suit, and dress shoes?  Not pleasant.  But you do what you gotta do.

I’m taking a similar walk right now, though I’m finding a lot more closed doors than there were that summer I needed a job.  And I’m probaby making it harder on myself, because — to keep with the analogy, kinda — I’m also holding up a sign to the street saying “Will work for food.”  Okay, that might be a bit of an overkill, but I’m trying to get my foot in the door on one side and sell the book to the general public on the other.  All without a budget or a clue.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m having the time of my life; it’s a strange mix of misery and ecstasy, waiting to see what each day brings.  For the most part, I guess I’m looking to apologize in a way, or at least seek understanding, from some people I’ve surely annoyed over the past couple of weeks.

I’ve been trying to push Like Glass harder than anything I’ve ever done, and in doing so, I’ve probably pushed it a little too hard in some areas.  And if I’ve come across as pushy, or needy, or even desperate, I’m damned sorry.  There isn’t anyone else out there doing the work for me though.  There isn’t a marketing company trying to get the book in a radio spot or a newspaper spot.  No one’s putting displays up at Barnes and Nobles with a rose on a black background.  It’s all me, and I can only think of so many avenues to go that seem viable and modestly simple before I start repeating myself in the same venues.  As I write this, I can’t even budget a few bucks for a simple pay-per-click campaign.

Damn, I hope I don’t sound like I’m asking for pity here — I’m not.  Like I said, just seeking some understanding from anyone I might’ve pissed off recently.  Anyone else who’s tried to sell a book, or start any kind of business from the ground up surely understands.  There isn’t anyone else out there who gives a crap whether you sink or swim, so you got to fight for yourself.  If you’re lucky enough to have something to back you — a publisher, a bankroll, whatever — then you can rest a little bit.  If not, you start to get that wild look in your eyes wondering what the hell you’re doing wrong, hitting the refresh button on your web-visit stats hoping for that one visitor who might actually buy it.  It’s terrible, but exhilirating at the same time.

Okay, I hope that makes sense somehow.  If not, well, I got it off my chest a little so I can relax for a while ;)
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Choices, Choices, Choices… Part II

November 18, 2008 · Posted in General · Comment 
First off, I’d like to thank everyone who commented earlier; I don’t get a lot of comments here, so to get three lengthy comments on the same post means a lot to me — seriously, thank you for your support.  I really appreciate it.

I’ve come to a decision though.  Well, kinda.  Let me first assure you that I’m not going to give up on writing; that came out earlier, and it wasn’t quite what I meant.  What I meant was that I’d be giving up on the business side of writing.  That means that I’d still be writing when I got a chance, but I wouldn’t be trying to make money at it.  Simply put, I’d have the “normal” day job/hobby arrangement that most people have, instead of wanting to make a day job out of my hobby, and do what I currently do as a day job for my hobby (that wasn’t very “simply put”, was it?).

Anyways, as I said, I’ve made a decision as to what I’m going to do.  I’m going to keep at this whole marketing/writing-business thing for another week, till Tuesday, 11/25/2008.  I have a few irons in the fires, and we’ll see what happens with those.  If things don’t pan out — and trust me, I’ll let everyone know if they do, even people who don’t really give a rat’s ass — then on Wednesday, the 26th, I’m going to hang up the “pen” (well, keyboard) for a couple of weeks and just relax.  I might write; most likely I’ll just play video games or something.  Odds are though, if I do anything that has any redeeming social values, it’ll be programming related.

If things do, however, pan out as I’d like them to, well, we’ll see what happens then.

So, rest assured: for at least a week, you’ll still get plenty of “Matthew Cory just posted about blah; check it out…” status updates on Facebook, and plenty of spam from my groups (if you’re a member) asking for discussions on this or that.  If I get bored I might even make more flair to send at you, or find some other Facebook application to use to spam you with ;)

Until next time,

–Matt

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Choices, Choices, Choices…

November 18, 2008 · Posted in General · 6 Comments 
I’ve accepted a couple of things about myself that fairly recently learned.  A lot of people might consider them flaws; I don’t.  They’d be fairly easy to change, I assume, if I were to try, but I think I’ll keep them.

The first thing is that I’m a terrible multi-tasker.  At least, when it comes to the big scheme of things.  I’ve always been this way; in high school, I played piano quite well, but didn’t keep up with my studies.  As a programmer, I taught myself almost everything I know, at the expense of music.  Same with writing — since I’ve rediscovered the joys of creation, I do so at the expense of software development: I haven’t written a line of code in almost a month, even though it used to be a favorite hobby of mine.

The second thing is that, when I find something I enjoy, I dig in tooth and nail.  I just cannot let it go — not only do I get tunnel vision and ignore most everything else, I’ll work at it incessantly.  That led me to become a good pianist, a good programmer, and (as some will say, I hope) a good writer.  The flip side to that coin is I do get burnt out on stuff fairly quickly.  Instead of running a marathon with something I love, I sprint, and expend all my energy in a week, or a month, instead of a lifetime.

Hopefully you can see the relation between the two.  I find something that I love, and I ignore everything else as I burn the candle at both ends, most often with a blow torch for added effect.

Recently, I’ve been able to take some extended time off from work (well, there’s a reason behind it — a good one, not in trouble or anything — that the observant mind might discover if they read between the lines of some of my recent posts).  In this time, I’ve had the luxury to discover what life would be like if I were a “real” writer, able to work full time on marketing my book and writing my next one.  I have to say that it’s been absolutely wonderful.

Unfortunately, the time for returning to work is drawing near, and I’m left with a choice: do I continue focusing on writing while I have the opportunity, or do I just relax for the next few weeks and enjoy the time off?

The reason I’m away from work would dictate I take the time and just enjoy it.  I’ve lost my love for software development, to put it bluntly.  It’s hard for me to live having just a “job” to pay the bills, one doing something that I no longer care for.  I’m not a jobber — if my heart’s not in it, I can’t see doing it.

I’ll be completely honest with you, I’d hoped for a lot from this time off.  I expected that I’d finish Shattered (right now only about a third of the way through it).  I hoped to possibly get some kind of income started with Like Glass, either through a traditional book deal or just through online sales.  Maybe even find an agent and just get things lined up before going back to work.

And, in all honesty, none of that seems to be coming to play.  It’s been a lot of fun, don’t get me wrong — and quite stressful at times, true — but at the end of the day, I still need to pay rent.  I know that a lot of people spend years trying to get published.  Hell, I know that a lot of people spend years trying to write a novel, period.  But I have a damned hard time doing software development for a living, then coming home and working on a book.  Hell, right now I’ve been having a hard enough time just working on the book and trying to market the old one — I’ve been getting the tunnel vision on the marketing side, instead of the writing side.

So maybe it’d be better just to let the writing go for now, and enjoy my first “vacation” in almost ten years.  Enjoy the time off, play video games and read.  Then maybe I’ll want to work again when the time comes.  Maybe I can get the writer/marketer junkie out of my system, and can focus on writing code again.

If I go that way though, I feel like I’m just giving up.  I know I’ve given the writing stuff a decent effort, but there’s always that thought that one more day could get that big contract, could get that one sale that starts the career.  Hope springs eternal, as they say.

Maybe it isn’t giving up though.  Like I said, I gave it an honest effort — in my opinion, at least — and it just didn’t happen.  That doesn’t mean it never will, just that it wasn’t in the stars for now.  I can get some well-needed rest, and hopefully go back to work and be happier there.

Maybe, maybe maybe…

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